


The Broken Mask

by Sweet_Daydreams



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abuse, Abusive John Winchester, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Bisexuality, Castiel/Dean Winchester Flirting, Eventual Smut, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Homophobia, Homophobic John Winchester, Homophobic Language, Homosexuality, I Blame Tumblr, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Going to Hell, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Openly Bisexual Dean Winchester, Smut, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Verbal Abuse, You Have Been Warned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-10
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-01-06 15:30:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18391202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweet_Daydreams/pseuds/Sweet_Daydreams
Summary: Dean and Cas have been best friends since they were freshmen. It is now their senior year, and Dean had come out as bisexual over the summer. It took a huge weight off of his chest. Unfortunately, his father didn't accept him after he came out, and took to beating him. When Castiel discovers this during their first day back at school, he tries his best to prove that Dean isn't what his father says he is. Castiel's perseverance and his love for Dean prevails, and it brings his and Dean's relationship to a whole new level.





	1. New Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning- May contain scenarios that are slightly triggering to those experiencing abuse/bullying or victims of abuse/bullying, as well as graphic descriptions of sexual intercourse and homophobic language. (Homosexuality, obviously, but that shouldn't need to be a warning. Just accept the gay.)
> 
> The entire work will not be like this, but just prepare yourself. Most of these warnings occur in later chapters.
> 
> I’m super excited about this one, plus I adore a good highschool au.  
> Updates on this work every Tuesday!
> 
> Carry on. (My wayward sooooon)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //References to abuse, as well as descriptions of the physical signs of abuse. Not explicitly stated. References to bullying, as well as an instance of bullying occurring. Mild language.//
> 
> The above warnings apply to this chapter only.

Cas stood by his locker as usual, waiting for school to start, or for Dean and his brother show up. He wasn't much of a social person, and as much as he preferred the lack of human interaction, it still felt kinda awkward just standing there, so he pulled out his phone, deciding to text Dean and at least pretend to be busy, even if he wasn't. 

He shot Dean a quick 'Where are you?’ and then scrolled through some of the old pictures on his phone. He didn't have many saved, and the ones he did have were mostly of the Winchesters, as well as his own family. Castiel supposed that he could consider the Winchesters to be his family as well, they were close enough to be brothers.

While Cas pondered this, his phone buzzed, startling him. He returned his attention to the glowing screen in front of him. He chuckled when he saw what Dean had texted back. Dean somehow never failed to make Cas smile, even if it was only a text.

‘Hold your horses. I'm parking the car now. It's cool if Sam hangs with us for a bit? First day jitters n’ all.’

‘Of course. :)’

‘You and your freaking emoticons. It's killing me dude!’

Cas smiled fondly, suddenly immersed in his conversation with Dean.

‘Shut up. You love them. ;)’

‘Damn straight. Heading to your locker now, you dork.’

Cas shut off his phone and tucked it away in his pocket, humming absentmindedly to himself. He laughed softly, replaying the conversation in his head. Dean had quite the personality. And frankly, Castiel almost doesn't remember when he began getting mixed up with him. Actually, that's a lie. He remembers the day very well, down to the most minute detail. It had been a life-changing experience for him, and he never wanted to forget it. But actually befriending Dean? He doesn’t remember exactly when that happened. But he is quite glad that he did.

Cas still had a giddy grin on his face when Dean rounded the corner with Sam in tow, drawing slightly confused expressions from the brothers. He quickly cleared his throat and his shoes became very interesting all of a sudden. His cheeks flushed as Dean laughed. He looked up slowly and shrugged sheepishly.

“Something's got you in a good mood, Cas. Care to share?” Dean prodded Cas's shoulder teasingly and smirked at him, Dean smirked? Cas's head tilted slightly in confusion. Dean just grinned widely at him, eyes full of laughter.

“Just reliving fond memories.” Cas paused for a moment, then tentatively went on. “You seem to be in a good mood as well, Dean. May I ask why?”

Dean's smile softened as he gazed at Cas for what seemed like an eternity.

“I'm just happy to see you, Cas.”

“As am I, Dean.”

Dean's grin turned slightly mischievous again as he leaned slightly closer to Castiel and gave him an extremely exaggerated wink and cracked a very comical smile. Cas tried very hard not to encourage Dean, but failed miserably as he dissolved into laughter. Sam, who apparently felt quite forgotten, cleared his throat loudly and gave a pointed stare at Dean.

When they composed themselves slightly, Sam sighed deeply.

“Dean, do you think you could be a little less gay? Just for today?” Sam sounded exasperated, annoyed even. Maybe he was just being protective?

“C'mon, Sam. You know I'm bi. I'm only half the gay. Plus, it's not like Dad's here-” Dean quickly turned to glance at Cas, as if he had said something wrong. Sensitive subject, most likely. But why would that be a sensitive subject? It bothered Cas, but he shrugged it off, though the relieved look on Dean's face after he realized Cas didn't catch his slip-up wasn't helping the nagging feel he felt.

“Sorry, Cas. Sam's just worried, that's all. He's not being mean or anything, promise.”

Cas replied gently, in an attempt to calm Dean's nerves. “Dean, I know. It's fine. We should be getting to class though. I, uh-” Cas hesitated for a moment, debating about whether or not to do this, but then just thought 'screw it’ and leaned in gently to press his lips to Dean's cheek. He leaned back quickly. “-I guess I'll see you in class at some point.”

Cas swiftly strode away, trying to hide how flustered he was. He just kissed Dean Winchester. Of course, it was just on the cheek. But still. It was Dean he had just kissed. What if he was coming on too strong, or Dean though he was scared, based on how quickly he had run away. He hadn't wanted to hurt Dean, in any way. He didn't deserve that. Which reminded Castiel of Dean's guarded reaction when Sam so much as mentioned ‘gay’ and ‘dad’ in the same sentence. Maybe he just wasn't out. But that didn't justify that kind of a scared reaction.

Although Dean was obviously hiding something about his home life, Cas couldn't put his finger on it. Maybe he'd ask Dean about it later, if his thoughts were ever organized enough to form a single sentence around him again.

“Watch where you're going, freak.”

Cas suddenly found himself on the floor, shoulder sore and surrounded by crumpled papers that were quickly being soiled by careless shoes. He scrambled to gather his things in his arms as he murmured an apology and hurried off to class, this time avoiding his mind. He felt if he spent to much time alone with his thoughts, they might betray him.

He heard footsteps behind him, hastening to reach him. Then he felt a hand on his shoulder. He was nearly spun around as he turned to face Dean.

“Dean, I'm sorry. It wasn't my place to kiss you. Forgive me.” Cas looked up at Dean with pleading eyes, slightly confused by Dean's expression.

Dean continued to stare at Cas, it was started to creep him out. Now he understood what that felt like. Of course, when he was staring, he was often just zoning out, or daydreaming. But still. It must be creepy as hell. It sure was freaky to be on the receiving end.

“Cas, you kissing me is the least of my worries right now. You aren't hurt?” When Dean finally spoke, his voice was wrought with worry.

“What? No, no. I wasn't looking where I was going and I ran into someone. That's it. My fault. I was just thinking too hard I guess.” Cas let out an obviously forced laugh, probably wouldn't be enough to fool Dean. He was right. Dean closed his eyes and sighed.

“Cas, dude. I heard what they called you. You are not a freak, okay. No matter what they say. Weirdo, maybe. Nerd, yeah. Dorky, definitely. Freak? No damn way.”

Cas looked at his shoelaces, wishing they were untied so that he could have an excuse to get away, if only for a moment. They were starting to some unnecessary attention as a small crowd gathered in the hallway. He swore he heard a couple wolf whistles.

“I know, Dean.” Cas murmured, slowly tilting his gaze up to meet Dean's eyes, which were very decidedly green, having somehow caught a stray ray of light in them and sparkling in a way that was almost nearly magical. Then Dean moved back slightly, loosening his grip on Cas's shoulders, and the moment was lost. 

“And for the record, Dean, neither are you.” Cas gave Dean what he hoped was an assuring nod and then left Dean to his thoughts.

So Castiel just walked to class, resolving to get there quickly enough to claim a seat near the back, and hoping that the teacher didn't give out assigned seats, as some teachers were prone to do.


	2. Hidden Secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //References to abuse, as well as descriptions of the physical signs of abuse. Instances of homophobia and homophobic actions. Mild language.//
> 
> The above warnings apply to this chapter only.

As sweet as Dean could be, he was also a gigantic flirt. Any chance he got, he spent hitting on Cas. Which didn't go unnoticed. Usually he told Cas that he was only joking. Today he didn't. Cas was in the middle of contemplating whether it had anything to do with the totally platonic kiss or the scene in the hallway this morning. Probably. He was so completely absorbed in his thoughts that he jumped when Dean poked his arm with a pen.

“Dude, we just got paired up for a project of some sort.”

Cas just gave Dean a quizzical head tilt.

Dean sighed and shook his head softly. “I think we're doing a presentation on the different types of love in literature. Or something. Anyway, that gives me more time to spend with you.” And with that, Dean flashed one of his trademark smiles, guaranteed to cause both guys and girls alike to swoon.

Cas just smiled back good-naturedly and whispered, “Dean, you are positively gorgeous.” He turned his face back towards the front, but glanced over at Dean for a moment. His words seemed to have rendered Dean speechless, a remarkable feat, really. But he didn't have time to gloat to himself, as the bell rang shrilly and jolted Dean out of his stupor.

“You really think so?”

Cas stopped gathering his things for a moment to stare at Dean, processing his question and pondering how to answer.

“Yes, of course, Dean. You have an absolutely stunning... personality.” Cas grinned and stood, walking quickly to the door, but slowed his pace soon after to allow Dean to catch up.

As they began to walk to the gym together, Dean knocked his shoulder against Castiel's. 

“You're an asshole, you know that?”

Cas chuckled, nudging Dean in the ribs gently. “Duh. But in all seriousness, I do find you quite attractive.” He tucked his chin into his chest as he smiled fondly down at his now very familiar shoes.

They walked in silence, occasionally bumping one another accidentally because of the close proximity. However, it was a comfortable silence, each party was slowly adjusting to the new-found companionship of the other. By the time they reached the gym, Castiel's fingers may have brushed Dean's one too many times and Dean may have laced his fingers through Cas's as a temporary solution. They stayed that way until they reached the gym, where close quarters and the need to change clothes forced them apart.

“Hope you don't mind me staring at your hot bod, Cas.” Dean gave a pointed glance over his shoulder, waggling his eyebrows as he grabbed shorts and a t-shirt out of a locker. 

Cas just rolled his eyes. “Dean, I sincerely doubt that I am-” Cas made air quotes with his fingers “-hot. But I appreciate the sentiment.”

“Oh, c'mon. Don't sell yourself short bud. You are seriously good looking. I promise.”

Cas huffed a laugh and tugged his shirt over his head. “Sure. If you say so.”

Dean shot Castiel an overly offended look before peeling off his own shirt. He caught Cas's slack-jawed gaze too late. He glanced down at his chest and muttered, “Shit.” He quickly yanked his t-shirt over his head, wincing in the process, before looking Castiel in the eye.

“Cas, this isn't what it looks like.”

“Dean, what the hell happened?! Your chest is bruised in all sorts of ways, cut too, and if I had to guess, your back is too. Judging from the color of the bruises, you've been hurt on multiple occasions, which suggests that this is an ongoing thing. Dean, I swear to God, if you don't tell me what is wrong, I will scream.” Cas paused to catch his breath and to compose himself slightly, as well as give Dean a chance to speak.

“I, uh, I got into a fight.”

Cas stepped softly towards Dean, coming a little closer than was probably necessary. “Dean, please tell me the truth.” He spoke so quietly he was worried Dean didn't hear him. Dean just shook his head as an answer.

“Dean, please?” Cas was dangerously close to tears, and he really didn't want to make Dean think that he was weak, or force Dean to tell him anything because Dean pitied him. Dean let out a long sigh, before squeezing his eyes shut.

“Cas, I promise. I promise I will tell you everything, but not now. We can stop by that diner we like after school? Maybe grab a bite to eat, I'll tell you everything then, alright? But not now. God, Cas, please not now.” Dean was pleading with Cas, he seemed like he was about to cry as well. And it hurt Castiel to see Dean like this. So he nodded softly and just stepped forward to envelop Dean in a warm hug. Dean buried his face in Cas's shoulder, embracing him almost desperately.

Cas returned the same affection in the hug, stroking soft circles on Dean's back until both of them had calmed down enough to breath properly. When they finally separated, they quickly finished dressing for gym, with Cas stealing soft glances at Dean, who seemed to be calming down, and was now blatantly checking out Cas's ass.

Of course, his quick recovery was probably to cover up some hidden emotions that were too hard to bear. And Cas really did want to help Dean, so that he didn't have to shoulder this alone.

Dean sucked in a breath as they walked out of the locker room together. He leaned down to whisper in Cas's ear, “Listen, I know this is probably absolutely ludicrous to say after we had that big emotional rollercoaster back there, but I am realizing that you are extremely hot. Like, damn.”

Dean's breath on his ear was hot and it tickled, he batted away Dean's nose with a grin before whispering back, “I also find you very attractive. Hot, I guess?”

Dean shoved him lightly. “Dude, is that the best you can do?” 

Cas replied indignantly, “That's all you're getting for now. And besides, I'm not too great at the whole compliment thing yet.”

Dean laughed and gave Cas's hand a reassuring squeeze before they both began running laps to warm up. God, Cas hated gym class. But today didn't seem to be all that bad. At least he was getting Dean to tell him what was going on. He wondered if it had anything to to with his dad. Hopefully not. 

Cas just shook his head to clear his thoughts and continued running, occasionally giving Dean a quick smile.

The rest of the day went relatively well, despite Castiel being slightly worried that Dean was this calm. And he wouldn't stop flirting. It was sweet, but slightly over the top. Knowing Dean, it was likely an attempt to control his nerves, or to calm himself down. Or both. I mean, Cas had just seen his chest and stomach absolutely covered with contusions and scars and cuts. It was sickening to think that someone could even hurt someone else that badly. And it looked like it hurt. Some of the bruises were purple-ish blue, but others were a sickly yellow. And the cuts, those looked horrid. They were probably going to get infected, if they weren't already. 

By the end of of the day, Cas had grown quiet, hiding within his thoughts, and Dean respected that. When they were at their lockers gathering their things to leave, however, Dean's phone rang, startling Cas out of his quiet stupor. Dean checked the caller ID, and a look between panic and confusion crossed his face for a moment, before it vanished just as quickly.

“Hello….yes….yes, sir….I need to get Sam….Can Cas come over?.... Alright, thank you.”

Cas looked inquisitively at Dean, who let out a laboured sigh.

“That was my dad. He's going hunting and needs me at home. He said you could come over though, if you want to. He'll probably be away for a few days if you want to spend the night.” Dean smirked at Cas before his expression softened. “I'd really appreciate the company, flirtations aside.”

“That sounds delightful, Dean. Does your father want you home right away, or can I stop by my place to grab some stuff?”

Dean's grin disappeared as he answered. “Cas, I'm sorry. He wants us home right away. You can just borrow some of my stuff. Let's go get Sam, and then we can hit the road. My place isn't that far of a drive, five minutes maybe?”

Cas shoved a few papers in his backpack before following Dean to Sam's locker. They trudged towards the Impala, Dean's pride and joy. It really wasn't that long of a drive. Conversation was quite minimal, save for Dean explaining the situation to Sam, who acted as if it were quite normal, although he was a little on edge too.

“Dean, can I spend the night at a friend's house if Dad's gone?” Sam looked up at Dean with puppy dog eyes, and Cas could have sworn he saw a lip quiver.

Dean exhaled heavily. “Sure, Sam. Once Dad leaves, you can go head to one of our neighbors. But if I call you and tell you to get home, get home right away or Dad'll beat my ass.”

Sam grinned happily as they pulled into the Winchester's driveway, where Dean parked the car in the shade of a huge maple. They lugged their stuff inside and stood around uneasily. Dean shifted his weight on his feet before clearing his throat.

“Daaaad?” Sam tentatively called out to the empty hallway. They heard shuffling and suddenly John Winchester's head poked out of a closet door.

“Sam and Dean, you're back quick. Good. I'm just about ready to head out. Give me a second and then I'll tell you the rules.”

Cas looked cautiously between Sam and Dean, eyes flicking across their faces, trying to read their expressions. He heard a muffled crash from inside the closet. Dean flinched slightly, taking a hesitant step backwards.

John strode over to them in a way that seemed to command attention, if that was possible in the few short steps he took. Cas noticed Dean stand up straighter, although his eyes fell to the floor.

“Sam and Dean, listen up. You are not to have parties, nor are you to have anyone over while I am gone, save for Cas. Cas, you get to have the pleasure of keeping my boys out of trouble. Dean-” Dean seemed to shrink away from John when he heard his name. “-you are not to engage in any sexual or romantic activity with any males, understand? Nothing at all. Flirting, kissing, anything. Cas, make sure of that.” Why was Cas being dragged into this? Oh, poor Dean. Having to deal with this kind of attitude from his father… “You are not to leave the house for anything other than school, you are to return home immediately. Am I understood?” 

John had never been like this whenever Cas had come over in the past. It must have been something that happened over the summer, right? He hadn't always been this cruel?

Dean mumbled a silent curse and then replied, louder, “Yes, sir.”

“Yes, sir.” Sam seemed less frightened of John, who was intimidating enough, but in all the times Cas had met him, he had seemed soft, gentle even, if a bit rough. This was a whole new side that Cas was terrified of. For his well-being and for Sam and Dean's safety as well.


	3. Newfound Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //References to abuse, as well as descriptions of the physical signs of abuse. Mild language.//
> 
> The above warning applies to this chapter only.

Luckily, John Winchester left fairly quickly. Once he had exited the room, it was as if a breath they had all been holding was let out. Sam rushed to the window to watch their dad's car pull away, and his smile was contagious as he ran to his room to pack a duffel bag and call his friend. 

Dean, on the other hand, seemed quite visibly shaken, though he tried to hide it as best he could. When Sam came rushing back through the door, Dean grabbed his shoulder.

“Sam, Dad'll be back in a week. Keep that in mind.”

Sam just waved him off. “Yeah, yeah. See you later, jerk.”

“Later, bitch.”

Cas laughed at the affectionate terms used by the brothers as Sam swept out the door and down the street, racing to the grey house just a few doors down the street.

“Cas, c'mere. Let's get some food, I'm starving!” Dean shuffled into the kitchen and Cas followed. They made their PB&Js in record time, and were soon seated at the kitchen table munching on them.

Dean kicked his shoes off under the table and motioned for Castiel to do the same. They sat there in silence, just eating for a while until Cas jumped, almost knocking over a plate.

“Dean!” Cas's tone was accusatory as he set down his sandwich.

Dean grinned. “What?”

Cas looked under the table to confirm his suspicions. Dean's foot was indeed resting on top of his. He saw Dean wiggle his toes for good measure. He raised his eyes to meet Dean's gaze. Then he sighed.

“What is the purpose of that, Dean?”

Smiling wide, Dean gently slid his foot up and down Cas's calf, making small circles with his toes, while he answered. “I just wanna be close to you, that's all. It isn't bugging you, is it?”

“Not at all. I just didn't understand why.”

Dean smirked and slid his foot up higher to rub Cas's inner thigh, slightly higher than his knee. Cas yelped and almost fell backwards. Laughing, Dean returned his foot to the ground, resting it near Cas's and picking up his sandwich to finish the last few bites.

Castiel flushed a light shade of pink, feeling the blood rush to his face. “Dean! You are insufferable, you know that?”

Dean smiled through a mouthful of peanut butter and jelly. “Yah, I know.” He swallowed and took a swig of water as he felt Cas's gaze soften. “C'mon, let's go up to my room.”

Cas put both their dishes in the sink before following Dean up the stairs to his room. Dean immediately plopped down on the bed, motioning for Cas to come and sit by him. He scooted backwards to sit cross-legged as Cas joined him near the edge of his bed. He coughed. 

“So, Cas?”

“Yes, Dean?”

Dean rubbed his palms together as he tried to figure out how to phrase this. “Cas, I, uh. I really trust you, right?” He finally managed to choke out a poor excuse for a sentence. When he looked up, Cas was patiently waiting, as always. God, what did he do to deserve him.

“Listen, I'm so sorry. I'm just so sorry. I wish you hadn't had to find out like this, hell, I wish you'd never seen me like that. And I just really-” He felt a pair of warm arms wrap around him tightly, pulling him close. He clutched at Cas desperately, trying to be even closer. It had been such a long time since anyone had shown him any kind of affection like that, and it felt really, really good. He felt Cas murmur against his neck. 

“Dean. There is no need to apologise. I'm also pretty sure that I figured out how you got those bruises and lacerations.”

“They're not lacerations, Cas, just cuts. Barely scratches. And how did you-”

“Let me finish. You don't have to explain yourself to me. I understand, in some aspects, what you're going through. And I really want to help you, very much. You are very important to me, and it hurts so bad to see you in pain like this. So please let me do something to help?”

Cas gently pulled away from the hug, though he kept his hands on Dean’s arms as a gesture of comfort and stability.

Dean just breathed out, “Sure, Cas.”

Cas smiled gently at Dean before slowly standing. Dean’s eyes tracked his movements, trying to figure out what Cas wanted to do.

“Please take off your shirt.”

Dean leaned back in surprise. “Well damn, if you wanted it that bad.” He smirked half-heartedly at Castiel. He was still wondering what Cas wanted.

“I’m going to clean your cuts and at least try to patch you up. Just please do it?”

Dean slowly complied, removing his shirt in the least painful way possible. He saw Cas wince at the sight of his torso, but he didn’t try to look away. Which was appreciated. In fact, instead of turning away, Cas came closer and sat on the bed once again. Dean softly tossed his shirt on the floor, following Cas’s gaze. Suddenly Cas stood, startling Dean.

“Sorry. I’m going to go get a towel and some bandages, don’t move, I can find them.” And with that, Cas hurried away to get the supplies while Dean shifted uncomfortably on the bed.

Fortunately, Castiel returned quickly. He shoved the things onto the bed and sat down, arranging himself so that he could reach Dean and the towels and bandages as well.

“Dean, scoot a little closer to me. I’m going to start cleaning off your larger cuts first, and then I’ll get the smaller ones. Those will probably hurt the worst though. I’ll try my best to be gentle.”

“I know you will, Cas. I trust you.” Dean slid over and turned his back to Cas. He heard him suck in a breath once he saw the wound there. There was only one really big cut, running from his neck down between his shoulder blades, and it was pretty nasty. It was very likely that it was already infected, judging from the reaction it got from Cas.

Cas winced at the sight before him. The wound was superficial, but it was dripping with pus mixed with blood and other fluids that weren’t identifiable. The skin around it was all puffy and red, drawn tight as Dean hunched over, and the bruising on Dean’s back didn’t help the sight much.

“I’m going to start cleaning away the pus, it looks like this long cut on your back is infected.”

“One…”

 

“Two…”

 

“Three…”

Cas presses the damp towel as gently as possible on the infected area, trying to ignore the squelch and Dean’s flinch. He muttered a ‘sorry’ and continued wiping away the oozing fluids, which came off very quickly once they were wet, to Castiel’s surprise.

Eventually Dean’s back was clean of any unsavory liquids, oh God, that sounded dirty, and Cas began applying the bandages. That part went quickly, thank goodness.

“Dean, your back is sufficiently clean. Just try to change the bandages once in a while, or I’ll do it for you.”

Dean turned around to face Cas, coming in unexpectedly close proximity to him. “Uh, thanks?”

Cas nodded, “You’re welcome. I hope you’re not in too much pain, as I still have to clean a few cuts on your chest. Those aren’t too bad, so it should only sting slightly.”

“Cas, I’m fine. It was really just that one big one that needed some help. These are just scratches. Plus the bruising isn’t as bad?”

Shaking his head, Cas gently placed his hand on Dean’s chest, splaying his fingers over the general vicinity of his heart. “God, I almost feel bad hugging you. I really would never forgive myself if I hurt you.”

“Relax, Cas. I can hardly feel the ones on my chest. And the ones on my back, they just look bad. Same with the bruises. It doesn’t really hurt at all anymore, I’m used to it.”

Cas shook his head again, gingerly setting his forehead against Dean’s shoulder. Dean just gathered him up in his arms, tucking his own head against Castiel’s neck and breathing in the smell of shampoo, Cas’s hair tickling his nose as they wrapped their arms around each other.

They sat like that for a while, neither one willing to let the other go. Dean felt Cas yawn against his neck and chuckled. “Cas, are you getting tired?”

Cas sat up slightly, blushing as he sat back on the bed. “No. But you were warm and it was making me sleepy,” Cas admitted.

“Cas, you are freakin’ adorable. C’mon, let’s go make some spaghetti, then we can curl up and find something on Netflix to watch.”

Cas tilted his head. “Dean Winchester, if I didn’t know better, I’d say you wanted to cuddle.”

Dean hopped off the bed and pulled his shirt on again. “Nuh uh. Why would you say that?” Dean smirked at Cas as he walked towards the kitchen, a grinning Castiel following close behind.

Once they had finished the slightly overcooked spaghetti and Castiel was convinced the house was sufficiently clean, Dean grabbed a blanket and they sat on the couch debating what to watch on Netflix.

“Wanna watch a horror flick, Cas?”

“Not particularly, no.”

Dean snorted. “I didn't take you for a scaredy cat, dude.”

Cas gave Dean an offended look before lightly smacking his arm. “It's not that I'm scared. I just don't like them.”

“So, if you'd not scared, wanna watch one? We could watch a classic, like the Conjuring!”

Cas sighed heavily and resigned to the fact that they were indeed going to be watching a horror film and that he was losing this battle. “Sure.”

Dean had a giddy grin on his face as he started the movie. It never really went away, just dulled slightly as he became engrossed in the movie. Cas settled back into the couch, yanking some of the blanket closer to him. Dean pulled right back, like an upset toddler trying to start a fight.

“Dean, stop hogging all the blankets.”

“No, you.”

Castiel rolled his eyes and shoved his cold feet on Dean's legs, grinning as Dean jumped back.

“You son-of-a-bitch.”

“Dean, I'm cold. Share.” Cas pouted at Dean, pretending to be offended.

Dean groaned and scooted closer to Cas, wrapping an arm around him as Cas leaned in, laying his head on Dean's chest and murmuring contentedly. Dean tucked the blanket around them and they resumed watching the movie in relative silence, with the occasional shuffling of cushions and blankets when moving to a slightly more comfortable position.

Dean paused the movie about 15 minutes into it. 

“Cas, I'm gonna make popcorn. You want any?”

Cas just shook his head. Dean smiled gently at him and kissed the top of his head before ruffling Cas's hair and standing to stretch. He shuffled into the kitchen and grabbed a couple bags of popcorn and shoved them in the microwave. Once they were done, he walked back into the living room to find Cas curled up in a ball of blankets on the couch.

“Cas, you okay?” Dean set the popcorn on the table near the couch and moved to sit next to Castiel. Eventually Cas's face poked out of the pile of blankets.

“Dean, I- I have a confession to make. I may have lied to you earlier. About liking- about liking horror movies?”

Dean chuckled, “Is that what this is about?”

Cas nodded slowly. “I thought it wouldn't be so bad with someone else around, but I was unfortunately, very wrong.”

Dean smiled comfortingly at Cas as he peeled some blankets off of him and opened his arms for a hug, which Cas gratefully accepted. 

“Cas, we don't have to finish the movie if you don't want to. We can honestly just go cuddle in bed if that's what you wanna do.”

Cas looked up at Dean with a grateful expression on his face. “Thank you, Dean. But- uh, I'd like to try to watch the movie. With, um- with you?”

Dean gave Castiel an affectionate smile and booped his nose softly, earning a grin from Cas. “Are you sure? We can cuddle if you're really scared.”

“Okay. Are you sure?”

“Duh, I'm sure. Now let's get comfy and have some popcorn.” Dean pulled Cas in for another hug before reaching out to grab the popcorn and the remote. He and Cas snuggled together contentedly, though Cas did occasionally flinch and dig his nails into Dean's arm. Dean didn't mind much though. He just pulled Cas even closer and murmured sweetly in his hair to calm him down.

Somewhere along the line, Castiel ended up almost completely on top of Dean, but he was frankly too frightened to care about that at the moment. Dean didn't seem to mind, he just kept stroking Cas's hair and whispering soothing things to him.

So Cas just tucked his head into the crook of Dean's neck and tried not to think about the movie too much. Dean was very warm, and if he could drown out the movie, maybe he could get some sleep. It was nice to be this close to someone, it made Cas feel all soft inside.

“Dean, how much longer is the movie?” 

“We've got about 10 minutes left. You good?”

Cas sighed and nodded. “Yeah, I'm perfect.” 

Castiel sat up slowly and stared at Dean for a moment before leaning in to kiss his cheek for a second time that day. Only this time, he lingered for a while, unafraid of the consequences because, after all, Dean had been kissing his hair and his head all day.

It was nice, when he finally leaned back, to see Dean smile so warmly without words. Cas could see the sparkle in his eyes and the faint blush that decorated his cheeks.

They sat that way for a minute before Dean broke the silence with a smirk.

“Cas, you missed.”

Cas tilted his head in confusion. “What did I miss?”

Dean reached his hand up to cup Cas's face. Castiel leaned into the warmth of his palm instinctively as Dean stroked his cheek with his thumb. “Cas, can I kiss you?” Dean's voice was barely a whisper, as if he were afraid of being too loud and shatteringly this fragile connection between them.

Cas felt his heart skip a beat as a warm flush painted his face. He licked his lips nervously.

“Yes.”

Suddenly Dean's lips were on his in a soft, chaste kiss. He could feel the brush of Dean's hand slipping around his neck to pull him closer, and Cas felt like he could fly. He never wanted this moment to end, for this feeling to cease.

Unfortunately it did, all too soon and it felt very hot all of a sudden. Their faces were still very close, close enough that Cas could feel Dean's warm breath on his lips, tickling him in a gentle sort of way.

“Cas, you are absolutely amazing.”

Cas tried to protest, but Dean cut him off with another gentle kiss. Which he, of course, wasn't complaining about. 

The kiss became more urgent, needy almost. Dean pushed against Cas ever so slightly, and Cas pushed back, just as gently. They became one with the other, each understanding that this was long awaited and neither of them wanting to stop. Dean slid his free hand, the one that wasn't cradling Cas’s head, down Cas's side to play with the hem of his shirt.

Cas felt Dean's tongue slip between his lips and he gasped at the sensation, trying to follow suit as the kiss turned hungry and the two nearly devoured each other in their earnest.

Cas yelped when he felt Dean's hand play with the button on his jeans. He pulled back and glared at him. Dean looked very confused and worried but he pulled his hand away.

“Cas, what's wrong? Did I do something?”

Cas flushed and looked down at Dean's chest, avoiding eye contact.

“D-dean, you didn't do anything- anything wrong per se. I just don't want this to go too far and hurt you in the process. Your bruises are still healing and-” Cas buried his face in his hands, unable to finish his sentence. He was being so stupid. Dean wouldn't understand and then whatever they had would be over.

“Cas, look at me. Please.” Dean's voice was urgent enough to cause Cas to raise his head to look in Dean's general direction.

“Cas, you're right, as usual. I was getting ahead of myself and we should probably take this slow. I am still injured after all.” Dean chuckled. “Once I'm all healed up, then maybe we can talk?”

Cas couldn't say no to that hopeful tone in Dean's voice and he nodded. Dean sighed in relief. 

“That's good, cause I really like you, Cas.”

“I like you too, Dean.”

Dean lifted Cas's hand to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss there. “In the meantime, we should probably go to bed. The movie is obviously over, seeing as we got slightly sidetracked.” Dean grinned. “You are definitely sleeping in my bed by the way.”

Cas smiled and kissed Dean hard, surprising both himself and Dean, judging from the noise he made when Cas kissed him. When Cas finally peeled himself off of Dean, they both had puffy, kiss-swollen lips and giddy expressions. 

Cas cleaned up the popcorn that had gotten knocked on the floor while Dean shoved the blankets in a basket and turned off the TV.

They finally made their way to Dean's bedroom and Cas disappeared into the bathroom to change into a pair of Dean's sweats and a band t-shirt. When he re-entered the bedroom, Dean was already snuggled up beneath the covers in much the same attire. Cas slipped quietly under the blanket as he and Dean snuggled together, limbs tangled and fingers hooked in t-shirts and hair, grasping at this new aspect of closeness in their relationship. 

Cas was warm in Dean's embrace and he soon drifted off to the land of dreams, with Dean following not long after.


	4. Comforting Thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //References to abuse, as well as descriptions of the physical signs of abuse. References to homophobia, as well as descriptions of homophobic actions.//

The rest of the week went fairly quickly. The days seemed repetitive, but not in the bad sort of way. Cas felt it was nice to come home from school and be able to be held in someone's arms. 

Dean was true to his word, he didn't try to take things too far and risk further injury, though some of their make-out sessions had been pretty hot and heavy, Cas always made sure that Dean wasn't in any position to feel pain. 

His bruises were healing nicely, as well as the cuts and scratches. They weren't as bad as they looked, and Dean said that they didn't hurt at all. While Cas didn't fully believe him, it was a start.

Dean didn't really talk about his dad at all. Cas managed to get him to disclose that the beatings had started after he had come out, and yes, that was why they had started.

According to Dean, John gave him the silent treatment first, then he had started to yell, throw around slurs. He had taken to beating him about two weeks before school started. Dean had tried to fight back at first but soon realized that that wasn't getting him anywhere and just bore it quietly. 

Sam was never around when John got physical. As far as he was concerned, none of this had ever happened.

Of course, Dean had a good reason for not wanting Sam mixed up in all this, it would ruin the poor kid's image of his father. He had to suspect something though. If he did, he never said a word. Cas realized that Dean was trying to protect his little brother from the horrors of life, which, to be fair, were pretty horrible. Cas respected that and never said anything.

The car rides with Sam were always lively, he always had stories about his best friend, his first crush, all the girls Dean swore were into him. Cas enjoyed the way the brothers bantered and joked. It was nice, like their own little family.

Once Sam had been dropped off at their neighbor's, Cas and Dean got home and usually just stood, wrapped in the other's embrace and basking in their scent.

Once, Dean had suggested showering together. After Cas had made him swear not to try any funny business they had tried. Tried being a relatively loose term. It had ended pretty quickly after Cas had gotten shampoo in his eye and slipped and fallen. His tailbone was still bruised. They didn't attempt that again.

And then, on Friday, Dean had proposed that they go on an actual date, seeing as cuddling together on the couch didn't count. Cas had argued that it did, but he agreed warmly. They had agreed to go out on Saturday near the end of the day.

Unfortunately, the date had gone swiftly south when a rowdy group of greasy, college smelling, crackhead adults had come over and harassed the two about being together, because apparently, that was gay. 

So they had gone back to the house, with Dean complaining that their first date had been spoiled. Cas had comforted him with a sweet kiss and told him that they'd go on a date eventually.

And now it was Sunday, the last day remaining before John came home from his hunting trip. 

Dean was a bundle of nerves, understandably. He made Sam come home that day just in case. They didn't plan on telling John about the new development in their relationship, he would probably kick Dean out with a few broken ribs in the best scenario.

Cas did everything he could to ease Dean's anxiety. However, he did have his own concerns. For example, Dean's bruises were healing nicely. Most of his cuts had healed with minor scarring. They weren't as deep as Cas had initially thought, which was a huge relief. He didn't feel as guilty about being a little rough with Dean, hugging him tighter and maybe even letting his hands wander when they kissed. 

But he still didn't want to make it feel like he was trying to take advantage of Dean, so he didn't go much further than that. He knew Dean would obviously forgive him if he were to be injured, but Cas didn't want to take the chance either way. Sex could get pretty rough according to some people.

“Earth to Cas? You with us, buddy?” Dean shook Cas's shoulders gently, jolting him out of his thoughts and back to reality.

Cas ran his fingers through his hair. “Yeah, I'm good. Sorry. I was quite deep in thought.”

Dean chuckled. “No kidding. Anyway, I was saying that our dad usually gets back a day early, maybe two? But he wasn't back yesterday.”

“So he'll probably be back today.” Cas nodded in agreement. He grabbed Dean's wrist and pulled him down to sit on the couch next to him. He cupped Dean's chin gently, drawing their faces closer. “Dean. Everything will be fine, I promise. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere.” 

“I never said you were,” Dean murmured quietly, eyelids hooded as he closed the gap between them. It was nice to be able to kiss each other like this, being this comfortable with one another. Dean softly threaded his fingers through Cas's hair and let out a quiet sigh. He treasured these moments. He never wanted this to end.

“Eww, you guys are gross. Blech! Cooties!”

Cas smiled and chuckled. He pulled away reluctantly to see Sam's face contorted in an exaggerated attempt at disgust.

Dean gazed wistfully at Cas, still coming down from the inevitable high he got whenever the two shared a tender moment. It made him feel something warm and fuzzy, he couldn't quite put his finger on it.

Cas turned to Dean, laughing at the dreamy way the other was looking at him. “Dean, are you alright? You seem a little starstruck. Do you want to- Mmph!”

Dean grabbed Cas's face and kissed the living daylights out of him. Sam squealed and ran into the kitchen. Cas melted into the kiss like he always did, wrapping Dean in a sweet embrace as they grasped at each other, as if they would never get this chance again.

Loved. Cas made him feel Loved with a capital L. It wasn't an ordinary kind of love, it wasn't the kind a mother shared with her son. It was unashamed and unaware, all the good things in life and all the bad. It was everything and nothing at all. That was how Dean felt around Cas, whether or not he had always known he had loved him, Dean knew that he had always been drawn to him in a primal sort of way. They were meant to be. And he wouldn't trade it for the world.


	5. Quiet Whispers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //References to abuse. References to homophobia. Mild language.//

Everything shattered when John came home. All that rebuilding, all the healing, gone. And it was replaced with fear and anger and disgust. Nasty emotions that should have had no place on Dean's face or in his heart. Oh, Cas hoped to Heaven that John wouldn't find out about them, but when has Heaven done anything for him?

He had returned a day early, just as Dean said he would. Sam seemed happy to see him, but Sam's emotions were complicated. Something about him seemed deep, like the ocean. Cas guessed that Sam had found out about what John had done to Dean, but was unwilling to admit it. Truth be told, Cas felt the same way. It was difficult to think that you could hate someone just because they loved another person.

John didn't speak for a while. He seemed to be surveying the scene. Sam with peanut butter and bread crumbs spilling down his face and shirt, the messiness of a teen. Dean, half-cowering on the couch with his hand gripping Cas's safely out of sight. And Cas, sitting quietly with his hand clenched, fire burning in his eyes.

He saw the movies, the wrappers only a day old. The cassette tapes and remote on the table.

And then, he spoke.

"Castiel, I hope nothing has, shall we say, transpired while I was away."

Cas simply shook his head. He didn't trust himself to speak. John nodded slightly and walked heavily towards the hall closet, shoving equipment inside before nearly slamming the door.

"Well, don't just stand there. Sam, come here and give your old man a hug!" John opened his arms. Sam slowly accepted the invitation.

John clapped his back, trying to relieve the tension that was thick in the room. "I know, you're too old for this. But I haven't seen you, you know."

Sam gave a sickly fake smile with just the right amount of adorable sweetness. It was very obviously forced, but John was easily fooled. He clapped Sam's shoulder once for good measure and then peeled himself off of the boy.

"So, what'll it be for dinner?" John was blatantly ignoring Dean, and consequently, Cas. Sam gave them a sideways glance and caught Dean's eye.

"Can we go out to the diner I like, just the two of us?" Sam sounded so hopeful that John agreed without hesitation.

"Sam, let me shower and get dressed. We can leave early and catch up by the lake before dinner, sound good? Dean and Castiel, just clean up the place after you're done." John cleared his throat with a pointed stare at the admittedly minimal junk lying around. "Sam and I will be back late, so you better be in bed by the time we get home. I expect around midnight? I might give Sam his first beer if he's good."

Sam grinned widely as he sprinted down the hall to change clothes, John following. Soon, Dean heard the familiar hiss of the shower down the hall. He exhaled heavily. 

Cas pulled Dean into a comforting hug, murmuring consolations in his ear, occasionally kissing his temple and cheek. They sat like that until they heard the shower turn off and heavy footsteps followed by softer ones clunked down the hall.

"Castiel, keep an eye on Dean. Be good." John slammed the door behind him.

The car engine roared to life but quickly faded away into nothing. Dean slumped dejected onto the couch.

"Cas, why does he hate me so much? What did I do to deserve this?" Dean turned his face away from Castiel, trying his hardest not to cry in front of him.

Cas almost felt his his heart shatter into pieces. It hurt so damn much to see Dean like this, in pain and vulnerable. He reached a hand out to gently turn Dean's head towards his. He choked down a sob when Dean met his gaze, teary eyed. A tear rolled down Dean's cheek and Cas brushed it away with his thumb, stroking his face gently.

"Dean, you did absolutely nothing to deserve this. Your father is just an asshole. If anything, he doesn't deserve you. You're perfect, and I...I-" Cas's voice wavered for a moment, he faltered. "-love you." He cleared his throat, looked upward and blinking back tears. Slowly his eyes traveled downward to study Dean's face, despite the tears threatening to spill out of his eyes. "I love you, Dean Winchester, more than anything in this world."

Dean was speechless for a minute, taking a few moments to process what Cas had just said. Cas actually loves him? Cas really, truly loves him. Dean was unbelievably happy. His grin spread across his face involuntarily. Then he realized he should probably respond. Oh, God, what if Cas thought he didn't love him back?

The words just came rushing out. "Cas, I love you too. More than Zep, if that's even possible. I love you more than Sam, Mom, definitely more than my dad."

Cas was smiling too. He felt all warm and cozy inside, like he felt when he first kissed Dean, but different. Not a bad different, but it wasn't as electric as their first kiss had been. It had a comfortable feeling. So this was love.

"Dean, your life has so much meaning to it. You are worthy of everything your father is not. You-..." Cas never did finish his sentence. He yanked Dean forward and into a kiss. His hands curled into fists, gripping Dean's shirt tightly as tears streamed down his face. He could feel Dean sob a little, his face was wet with tears as well.

Eventually they had to breathe, and so they broke apart. Cas had calmed down, but Dean was still tearful. He let Dean into an embrace, whispering to him and rubbing circles on his back. Eventually Dean calmed down as well. When Cas tried to pull away though, Dean whimpered. Cas felt him immediately tense up and Dean cursed under his breath. But Cas chuckled. 

"Dean, it's okay. I'm the last person that would judge you, alright?"

Dean nodded against Cas's chest, but didn't relax much.

"Dean, we can stay like this, hugging, but we are eventually going to have to make food. Do you want to just make sandwiches? That's easy. Then we can sit on the couch and cuddle."

Dean sat back, arms still around Cas, seemingly unwilling to relinquish his hold on him. "Can we just do leftovers? I'm pretty sure there's at least two helpings of lasagna in there. We can heat it up, easy peasy."

Laughing, Cas stood, forcing Dean to let go of him. "Sure, that works."

Dean grinned and wiped his face on his sleeve before following Cas into the kitchen.

They did indeed have lasagna and it was 'easy peasy' to make, as Dean had put it. They spent a good amount of time cleaning until the kitchen was spotless when they were done eating, and began working on the rest of the house. John had so thoughtfully left muddy boot tracks all over the hallway, and that had taken forever to clean, but it got done.

Dean was back to his usual, flirty self. He got a couple gentle slaps of Cas's ass before Cas had to reprimand him. Of course, that didn't last long, and Dean was now standing behind Cas, arms around his waist and head resting on his shoulder while Cas cleaned the windows, of all places. It was comforting to know Dean was there, but he wasn't being entirely helpful, so Cas put him back to work.

Eventually, they got everything immaculately clean, and they both collapsed on the couch. Dean scooted over and shimmied his way under Cas's arm to place a head on his chest.

"Cas, you're amazing."

"I know."

Dean nudged his arm playfully. "Shut your damn face."

Cas chuckled. "Do you really want me to do that? Because the last time you made out with me, I distinctly remember that that was the last thing you wanted."

"Uh huh. Yeah, on second thought, don't." Dean leaned up and placed a sweet kiss on Cas's mouth, licking the other's lips before slipping a tongue into Cas's mouth. He felt Cas smile, and Dean began to laugh, pulling back and resting his head on Castiel's shoulder.

"Dean, you are very special."

"Special to you?"

Cas shook his head. "I mean, of course. But just in general. You're my favorite person."

Dean ducked his head to hide the fact that he was grinning from ear to ear. "Cas-"

"I mean it, Dean. I truly enjoy your company. More than I ever thought I would."

"Aw, don't get all sappy on me, Cas. C'mon."

Cas squeezed Dean's shoulder. "You love it when I get 'sappy', as you so eloquently stated."

"Screw you."

"Maybe later."

Dean looked up at Cas, whos cheeks were dusted with a light shade of pink which was pretty freakin' adorable. Dean smirked, which did nothing to help the blush.

"Dean, actually, while we're on the subject, can we talk about that for a few moments?"

Cas looked concerned, which wasn't exactly a good sign. Actually, concerned wasn't the right word. Flustered. "Sure, what about it?"

Cas sat up so he could face Dean. "I, uh. I noticed your back and chest were healing nicely."

Dean gave Cas a quizzical stare as Cas's eyes darted around the room, avoiding his gaze. 

Suddenly it dawned on him. "Cas, are you saying you want to, er, have sex with- with me?"

Cas nodded, the blush spreading across his face. "I mean, not now. But I just meant that I'm ready. If you want to, of course. And it's not an essential part of our relationship, duh. But I think it could, it could be nice," Cas admitted.

Dean was quiet for a few seconds before he responded. Cas's gaze had finally landed on his face and he seemed to be studying him, awaiting his reaction. "What do you mean, 'not now'?"

"I mean, this is kinda sudden I suppose? I'd want to give you time to think about it."

Dean paused. "Yeah, I've thought about it. A lot, actually. Cas, I would absolutely love to have sex with you. But I don't have any condoms, we're just gonna have to make do, is that alright?"

Cas looked surprised, but happy. That was good, Dean didn't want to scare him off. "Cas, do you want to head to my bedroom?"

Cas's face felt like it was on fire at this point, at least he wasn't the only one. Dean's face was painted a sweet shade of pink which made his freckles all the more prominent. "Y-yeah, sure."

Dean stood and placed a kiss on Cas's lips, trying not to just take him here and now. God, he had waited for this moment for a good while now, and it was finally here. Dean just hoped he didn't ruin it. 

Cas followed Dean down the hall and into his bedroom. "Dean, could I brush my teeth? Maybe take a quick shower before we, you know?" Cas's eyes flicked toward the bed. Dean caught his drift. 

"Yeah, 'course. I'll do the same. Take some fresh clothes with you, Okay?"

Cas nodded and grabbed some of the clothes he had been using as pajamas. They were freshly washed and smelled sweetly of lavender, oddly enough. He headed towards the bathroom to freshen up. This would be his first time, he'd lose the big V-card. They didn't have condoms, like Dean said, so they probably wouldn't do anything like penetration or whatever. Cas was perfectly fine with that, he honestly wasn't ready to go that far. Besides, he was scared that it would hurt.

Cas stepped into the shower, trying to finish as soon as possible. He heard the water running in the guest bathroom, which meant Dean didn't want to shower together. Probably for the best, shower sex was complicated.

Eventually Cas managed to turn off his flustered brain for a couple minutes to finish showering. He brushed his teeth and pulled on a t-shirt and some sweats. Kinda like the first night he stayed here. That was a fond memory.

He tentatively opened the door to Dean's bedroom, sighing when he saw Dean wasn't in there yet. He put his stuff away and sat on the bed to wait, excitement coursing through him as he anticipated what was to come.


	6. Raging Waters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //Slightly graphic descriptions of sexual intercourse.//
> 
> *This chapter is just smut. It's not very graphic, but that's all that's going on. Feel free to skip if you are uncomfortable with that sort of thing.*

When Dean finally joined Cas in his room, Cas's breath caught in his throat. The mere thought of what they had planned for this evening had his stomach in knots. Dean closed and locked the door in what seemed to be the slowest way humanly possible. It was driving Cas crazy not to just touch Dean, kiss him, run his fingers through his hair.

Dean walked over to the bed. Cas stood quickly, wincing in afterthought. He might have seemed too eager, what was he thinking? But when he met Dean's eyes, he saw the smile hiding behind them and plucked up the courage to smirk, if a bit shakily.

Dean chuckled.

"Nervous? It's your first time, right?"

Cas nodded. It was indeed his so called 'first time'. And he was definitely nervous for some reason. Oh wait…

Dean stepped closer to Cas, grasping his hand and pressing soft kisses there. They were almost toe to toe, and when Dean looked up, Cas nearly fainted. They were incredibly close. Not that they hadn't been before, but this was very different circumstances.

"Cas, it's alright. We'll take it slow. You'll be fine."

"But what about you?" Cas managed to squeak out.

Dean tipped Cas's head up, ghosting his lips over Cas's. 

"I'll be fine. I've got you."

And with that, Dean finally kissed Cas. It amazed him how all their kisses could be so different. He wondered if they would continue to be different when they were old and grey and the bed wasn't the only thing creaking.

This kiss, to Cas, wasn't all that hot. It was chaste, gentle, not at all like he had expected it to be before sex. He wanted more. And so he wrapped his hands around Dean's face, cupping his cheeks, and pressed even closer. 

Their chests were shoved together; Dean could feel Cas's heartbeat if he tried. He resisted the urge to laugh when Cas clutched at his face and instead gently grabbed Cas's hands and slid them down to his sides. 

Cas gasped a little, but didn't move them, instead opting to grab handfuls of Dean's t-shirt in a vice-like grip. He never wanted to let go.

Dean's hands wandered to the small of Cas's back, pulling his hips forward and the last gap between them was lost. The kiss became heated, a mess of tongue and teeth and saliva. Cas's hips thrust up involuntarily and he lost his breath. He pulled away to pant against Dean's neck, hands loosening their grip ever so slightly.

Dean took this chance to slip his hands under Cas's shirt, cold fingertips dancing along his skin. He played with the hem of the shirt, humming softly into Cas's neck. He finally pulled the shirt off of Cas, stepping back to yank his over his head and lunging back to kiss Cas breathless once again.

They stood, skin to skin, wrapped up in each other and nearly devouring the sensations. Dean's hands slowly traveling downward to rest on Cas's hips, Cas sighing into Dean's neck when he wasn't moaning into a kiss. The smell of sweat and the heat of the closeness of two bodies, moving in relative unison.

Somehow Dean ended up lying on his back, staring up at Cas like a deer in the headlights. Cas seemed equally confused as to how he got there, but he didn't look very keen to move any time soon. He leaned down and planted a kiss on Dean's lips.

Dean was surprised at how sweet this kiss was. His eyes were still closed when Cas's lips ghosted over his eyelids, cheeks, ears, chin. Eventually Cas made his way down to Dean's collarbone, the salty taste of sweat stinging his tongue when he experimentally licked Dean's neck.

It was then that Dean felt a pressure between his legs. He soon realized that it was Cas's knee. He probably didn't even realize what he was doing.

Dean squirmed and Cas paused, looking concerned. Dean managed to get out, "Cas, Ah- Oh, god!" before his hips jerked up, finding friction on Cas's leg.

Luckily Cas realized that Dean wasn't in pain and tried pressing his knee against the now very obvious bulge in his sweats. Dean let out an obscene moan in response. 

He rubbed Dean's erection for a few seconds before dropping his hips to meet Dean's. This time they both moaned. Cas's arms weren't going to hold him up if this kept up so he gently lay down on Dean's sweat-slick chest. He breathed in the scent of cheap shampoo and car oil, which never really washes out.

Cas inhaled sharply when Dean rolled his hips upward, he felt Dean's breath on his neck and back like fire. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to imitate the moment.

"Oh my- ah, god. Cas that feels- ohhh that feels so good!"

"Like- ahh, Likewise, Dean. Ohmygod." 

Dean reached down and tugged on Cas's waistband and he reluctantly sat up, slightly shaky, to tug them off, shoving Dean's hands away and helping pull his off as well. 

Dean immediately yanked Cas down for a needy kiss, desperately trying to hide his pleasure when Cas lowered himself onto Dean, sliding skin to sweaty skin. 

Once they had regained their faltering breath, they settled into a kind of rhythm, thighs tangled together and fingers intertwined.

Occasionally, Cas would stutter in the motion, but when he did, Dean would kiss wherever he could reach and slow down, letting Cas catch up.

They moved like that, languidly making love in the dark for a good while, just basking in the pleasure coursing throughout their bodies.

Dean felt himself getting close, he knew Cas was too, judging on the death grip he had on his palm. If he played his cards right, they might be able to climax together. He had been trying to keep Cas from coming by slowing the pace, but Dean was getting only slightly inpatient.

He began to speed up the lazy rolls of his hips, the pace quickly picked up as he realized that they were both closer than they had thought. Cas definitely wasn't going to last much longer.

Their thrusts became erratic, no visible rhythm present, both racing to the edge, energy tangible as it spilled from every ounce of their bodies.

Cas was the first to come. He slumped on top of Dean, utterly spent and blissful. Dean was a close second. That was the most incredible orgasm of his life. 

It wasn't intense, didn't leave his vision fuzzy. It felt comfortable, familiar. Like the high you get when you run. Euphoric.

Cas peeled himself off of Dean to roll over on his side, feet hanging off the edge of the bed as he propped himself up on his side, gazing sweetly at Dean.

"Dean, I love you so much."

"I know. I love you too, Cas."

Cas smiled, shivering. "We should wipe ourselves off. It's starting to dry and it's not entirely comfortable."

"Agreed"

Dean reached over to find a clean t-shirt from his nightstand. He reached over to wipe their chests off, pecking Cas's lips as he did so. He shoved it in a corner. Where, he was too tired to care.

He pulled Cas into his arms, not bothering with clothes, and yanked some blankets over them.

He felt himself nodding off as Cas murmured something against his neck, but he didn't quite hear it. And then, he was asleep.


	7. Promising Ends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //References to abuse, as well as instances of abuse. Homophobic language.//

"DEAN WINCHESTER!"

Dean awoke with a start, legs tangled in the sheets as Cas flinched, presumably feigning sleep. He felt himself being dragged out of bed, and a sharp pain lanced through his wrist as it was twisted.

"Dean." His father's voice was icy. Dean caught sight of Sam cowering in the doorway and tried to catch his eye. But Sam was watching Cas, who now sat up, looking afraid.

"I am very disappointed in you, Dean. Honestly, the nerve to go and SLEEP WITH A MAN!"

This time, Dean flinched. He and Cas really should have taken precautions, like actually putting clothes on. Apparently, he had had the decency to put his underwear back on, and Cas looked as if he had gotten up and changed relatively recently.

"Answer me when I'm talking to you, faggot!”

Dean looked up and nodded. "Yes, sir.”

His wrist was spiked with pain again, this time joined by his ribs, which had been smacked hard with the back of a hand.

He heard Cas yelp, and saw him get dragged over and pushed into a chair.

"You bitch. Once I'm done with you, I want you out."

Dean squeezed his eyes shut as a heel dug into his instep.

"Cas, watch what happens when Dean doesn't follow the rules. Fucking men like that. You’re nothing but a gay piece of shit."

John twisted Dean’s arm around his back, earning a whimper from Cas as Dean’s eyes rolled back into his head. He dropped to the floor, wincing in pain. His ribs were aching from the swift kicks that unrelentingly bruised his side, while his father threw insults and slurs at him.

The wind was knocked out of him as he was thrown to the floor a final time. Then everything just stopped. He cracked an eye open and glanced at his torso, no blood. His eyes found a pair of bare feet on the floor and he followed them upward. He caught sight of Cas’s hair and a glimpse of his bare chest before his head dropped and he felt himself slipping out of consciousness.

He awoke in the Impala, driving down a foreign road with the music blaring in his ear. He fumbled for the volume and adjusted it so he wouldn’t go deaf in the next couple minutes. Then he turned to find Cas sitting in the driver’s seat.

“Cas, where are we?” He yawned and stretched, leaning over to give Cas a sloppy kiss on the cheek.

“We’re on the road, driving.”

“Where are we going, you idiot.”

“Somewhere else, I don’t quite know yet.”

Dean sighed, realizing that there wasn’t really an answer anyway. “What happened? As you probably know, I got knocked on the head a few times, I passed out. Enlighten me?”

Cas was silent for a moment. Dean thought he wasn’t even going to get an answer. Then he noticed a gash along Cas’s cheek. He reached out to touch it, but Cas flinched away.

“Dean, your father kicked you, us out. Sam informed me that he’d be staying through high school, but after that he wants to get the hell out. I don’t blame him.”

Dean’s eyes almost welled with tears at how sad Cas looked just then. He looked as if he regretted leaving Sam behind.

“Cas, how’d you get the cut?”

Cas’s hand traveled absently to the wound. “Your father’s parting gift.”

“Stop the car. Do it Cas!”

Cas pulled over, looking worried. “Dean, what is this ab-“

Dean cut him off with a kiss, minding the cut in his jaw as he cupped his face gingerly.

“Cas. I love you so much. My dad’s an ass, but that gave him no right to hurt you like that. And I swear to God, if I ever see him again, I’m going to end him.”

Cas managed muster up the energy to crack a smile. “I know, Dean.”

Dean frowned at him. “Cas, what’s wrong?”

Cas shook his head, afraid words would fail. Dean gathered him into his arms and scooted to a more comfortable distance. “Shhh, Cas. It’s okay. I’m here.”

Cas whimpered and clutched at Dean desperately. “No, not. It’s not going to be okay. We have no money, no- no anything. I just-“

Dean held Cas close as he fell apart in his arms, trying to soothe him.

“I’ll get a job. I can work, we’ll find a cheap apartment. Motel, if we have to.”

Gradually Cas calmed down. He kept nodding his head into Dean’s shoulder to show his appreciation and consent to the ideas being presented.

“Cas, we’ll get through this. I promise. We don’t have to worry about what anyone else thinks, we can be ourselves! And nothing is going to stop me from loving you with every breath I have.”

Cas smiled, a small smile, but it was real.

“Now scoot over, I’m driving.”

Cas chuckled and moved over to the passenger side. 

“Not that far. C’mere.”

Dean gently tugged at Cas’s arm until he relented and was leaning against Dean’s side.

“This is nice, Dean. I wish we had found each other sooner.”

“We did, we just didn’t know we were soulmates. Plus I guess I thought I was straight, so there’s that.”

Cas fiddled with a button on his shirt. “What made you realize you weren’t?”

Dean grinned, started the engine and sped across the open road, wind whipping through his hair as he gazed at Cas.

“You.”

“Eyes on the road, Dean.”

Dean smiled devilishly, but complied as a soft blush painted Cas’s cheeks a beautiful pink. This was nice, right where they were. He didn’t want to change a thing. Even if he could, it’s unlikely that he’d have ended up as happy as this, snuggled up to Dean in a 1967 Chevrolet Impala, with Elvis playing through the speakers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this work, feel free to check out some of my others! Constructive criticism is appreciated! Let me know if you have any questions, comments, or complaints. <3
> 
> *John was out of character solely for the sake of plot


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